Loneliness is like a bad childhood, that stings you in the happiest nights.

Loneliness is like a wounded childhood, that as an adult you don't know how to deal with. It's like that ordinary day, you gasp for breath. And in another 15 minutes, you rush yourself to the doctor. The doctor gives you a few tests. You sign the papers and pay. Someone leads you to the ECG room. You lie on a cold bed. The nurse arrives. You try to act cool. Ask the nurse if she is from Kerela. When she responds, you ask about the flood. She says her family is safe. She asks you to bare your upper body. You do.

Then she fixes a few plugs on your chest. The machine runs and a paper weaves out. That small piece of paper has the record of your heart that has beaten even when you were broken. You ask with a bright smile, "Nurse, sab thik hai," She waits reading. You call God. That moment is loneliness stinging its fang on you. The nurse asks you to see the doctor.

Again someone leads you to the x-ray room. There you are supposed to wear just a cotton gown. And nothing beneath your upper body. The first x-ray you stand before a machine. And in the second you lie on a cold bed as a machine scans your back. That cold bed is where loneliness stings you one more time. You still act cool and ask the technician, if everything is all right as he scans through those two black plastic papers. He takes you to the doctor. He enters, you wait with your report.

Loneliness is that minute when you hold the reports of your own heartbeat in your hand, and don't know if you are going to make it.

In another 3 minutes, you are infront of the doctor. The doctor smiles and says, you are perfectly fine. Just that it's stress. He suggests rest. Writes two medicines. You thank him. And walk out.

As you take the rickshaw back home, you breathe hard. You had just been stung by loneliness. To avoid it, you call your best friend, who is a doctor too, and tell her. You both act really chilled. But the mouths feel bitter.

Loneliness is like a bad childhood, that stings you in the happiest nights.

In that cold bed, where the nurse plugs those tubes for ECG, you act brave. You take God's name. That exact moment is loneliness.

Loneliness gently tells you that you are so ordinary and will whither one day. Loneliness humbles you and how.

Image via Unsplash

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